??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
