I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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