If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just found puke in my bra..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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