I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
