P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I deserve this hangover.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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