how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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