You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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