Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
