i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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