Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
