Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
