I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
