Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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