Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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