being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need water and some morals
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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