you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize