I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
