But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
