The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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