And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
