I think my fart just growled at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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