I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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