i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize