some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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