if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
