My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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