Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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