sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
