I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize