what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
