I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
