About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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