My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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