why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
