If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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