new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
