im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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