Screwed.edu
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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