Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize