he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
