Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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