1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i barfeds in our rink
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All the doctor said was why
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize