38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize