it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
