Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
