I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
