We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
