OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
