Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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