I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He better not be in your backpack
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
