I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
