party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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