I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
