Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no you cant smoke seaweed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
