I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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