I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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