I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
