my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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