Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize