Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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