I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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