he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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