you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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