It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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