That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
