someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
