My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize