a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
