I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
