My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
